I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
