i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
