you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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