Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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