I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
