you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm like, not good at living.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
