i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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