Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
