I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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