i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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