My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
