Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
