so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my being single is dangerous.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
