I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
