Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
