So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
