it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
