thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
