I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
