WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
