I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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