talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
