She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
