return my video game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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