Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
