When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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