Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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