Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
