ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
