Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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