I wannas sexs uuuuu
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
