Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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