I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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