I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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