We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
