You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
