I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
