Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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