Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
