He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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