I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
