I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
