so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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