I wish life had little blips of pornography
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
