2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
