Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
