Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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