her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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