I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
