Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
