Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
