and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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