I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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