Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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