Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
