i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I have vodka in my lungs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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