Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
