why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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