Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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