I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
