They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
