He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
