so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
